CHOICES DL

Positive Parenting TIP #1: Affection helps children develop secure attachment bonds and trusting relationships.  It also prepares them for coping with intimacy in adulthood.  Show affection in ways you and your child find comfortable.  Help your child become comfortable with giving and receiving affection by matching their level of affection.  Examples of showing affection are: holding hands; giving a kiss; cuddling; and pats on the back.

Positive Parenting TIP #2: Providing engaging activities can help children learn to play independently without constant adult attention. This can also help promote your child’s development. Engaging activities are things for children to do at home and on outings. Store toys and activities so they are easy to get out and put away.  Anticipate your child’s interest level and suggest an activity change before your child becomes bored.

Positive Parenting TIP #3: Children learn through watching others. One way to encourage new behaviours in your child is to let your child watch you. Setting a good example and describing what you are doing can be helpful when teaching children new skills and behaviours. Let your child copy your action and provide help if necessary. Encourage your child to try again without your help. Praise your child when they are successful. Children are more likely to copy behaviours that are within their ability and are seen to attract attention and approval. Avoid modeling behaviours you do not want your child to copy.

Positive Parenting TIP #4: It is important to give children instructions that are clear and direct. When you want your child to start a new task, where possible, let your child finish what they are doing, or wait for a break in their activity. When giving an instruction to your child make sure it is clear and calm. Get close at eye level and gain your child’s attention by using their name. Use a calm voice and say exactly what you want your child to do.  Pause briefly to give your child time to follow the instruction (five seconds).  Praise them for cooperating. If necessary, repeat the instruction to start the task. If your child does not cooperate use a back-up consequence.

Positive Parenting TIP #5: Spending frequent, small amounts of time with children can be more beneficial than less frequent longer periods of time. Try to spend small amounts of time with your child frequently throughout the day. Time that is special to your child will occur when your child approaches you to tell you something, ask a question or involve you in their activity. When this happens and you are not occupied with something important, stop what you are doing and make yourself available. If you are busy at the time, try to plan some time for your child as soon as you can.

While short frequent amounts of time ARE very important, children also need to feel valued and know their parents want to spent time with them. Make time for your child and be available to them when you are together!

Positive Parenting Tip #6: It is important for children to learn how to express emotions appropriately. Parents can help children feel comfortable to talk about their feelings in many ways: ask your child how they feel about events that have happened to them; when your child starts to tell you about their experiences or feelings, stop what you are doing and listen carefully; summarize what your child shares with you; avoid telling your child how they should feel; read children’s books about happy and upsetting events; help your child recognize feelings in others by asking them how they think another person might feel.

Positive Parenting TIP #7: When your child’s behaviour is a challenge, take time to think about what behaviour you would rather have happen – then look for chances to give attention to the desired behaviour. For example, if a child is whining, you would probably rather have the child use a pleasant voice when talking. Demonstrate the voice you would rather hear and be sure to notice when your child is using the desired behaviour. You might say, “Thank you for using your pleasant voice”. Behaviour that is given positive attention is much more likely to increase.

Positive Parenting TIP #8: Young children often have more difficulty moving from one activity to another than do adults. To help children manage transitions between activities, such as from watching TV to getting ready to go to bed, be sure to give them a fair warning. For example, “In five minutes your TV show will be over and it will be time to put your pajamas on”.

Positive Parenting TIP #9: When children approach you for information, help or attention, they are often motivated and ready to learn. You are in a position to teach your child something new – this is called ‘incidental teaching’. Just telling your child the answer to a question does not help them learn for themselves. Prompt your child to come up with the answer and see if you can help them learn more – “You have found a very interesting insect. I don’t know what it eats. Do you have an idea about that? Where do you think we could find more information about that insect?” This should be fun and enjoyable so do not push the issue. If your child does not respond, provide the answer and wait for another teaching opportunity.

Positive Parenting TIP #10: Children need limits to know what is expected of them and how they should behave. A few basic house rules (four or five) can help. Rules should tell children what to do rather than what not to do. “Walk in the house” and “Keep your feet and hands to yourself” are better rules than “Don’t run” or “Don’t fight”. The keys to remember are: have a small number of rules that are fair, easy to follow, positively stated, and are enforceable.

Positive Parenting TIP #11: Up to about 9 years of age, children do not have the skills to be safe in traffic. Many children have difficulty judging speed and distance, and concentrate for only short periods. Work out the safest route to school, and make sure your child is supervised when they travel to and from school. Teach your child road safety rules and to look, listen, and think about traffic.

Positive Parenting TIP #12: It is important for parents to have realistic expectations of themselves. It is good to want to do your best as a parent, but having very high standards and trying to be perfect will only lead to stress and feelings of frustration and inadequacy. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and learns through experience.